As I woke this morning, sat in my kitchen and drank my coffee, I felt a sense of sadness that I could not shake. Like most of you my, sadness was mixed with panic. I DID NOT want to send my kids to school today. After what happened in Connecticut on Friday, I was afraid to let them out of my sight .

bonnie-brown, flickr

I sat and struggled with the feeling that I should keep all of my children safe at home, where I can watch and protect them. And as good as that thought made me feel, it made me cry to think such a thought. What was I thinking? Was I going to let my fear and anxiety keep them in the prison of our home so they could always be safe? NO!

There will always be evil in the world as there will always be good. Just as I rejoice when good wins I must cry and mourn when evil seems triumphant. And I say..."SEEMS." The only way that evil would really win is if I hid myself and my family away and let the threat of of guns and those who misuse them dictate our lives.

So, as I do every morning, I kissed my son goodbye while he slept. I thought about how we had spent our evening, the night before. Had I given him my time when he asked for it? Had I hugged him and held him close? Had I paid attention when he talked to me? Had I been honest with him when he asked me a question? Had I told him how special he is? Had I told him I loved him? Did he FEEL loved and safe as he slept? How had I treated all my children? My husband? My co-workers? A stranger?

For all of us, at any time, evil or fate can cut short our time on this earth. I began to realize, while looking down at my son's angelic face, that I must cherish every moment and focus on NOW not what might happen later that day or tomorrow. I must ALWAYS show love and kindness and I must teach him that love, not fear, must guild our lives. My sister shared this Facebook status in regards to my 6 yr old niece's reaction to the shooting..."After we prayed for the children and teachers who were killed in Connecticut and their families, my angel Ellie said, "Mommy we should also pray for the guy who shot them because he was probably very sick." She continues to amaze me..."

So with that thought, I will not only be praying for the innocent, precious children and loving educators who were killed Friday morning and their families, but the sick, troubled young man who lost his way.

And I will try to live every day like it is my last by saying what I need to say and doing what I need to do... without fear, only love.

Thank you Ellie.....xo