Missing My Mom on Mother’s Day, But Feeling Blessed
Today is Mother's Day! It's a day filled with emotions for me, My mom passed away on July 31st, 2016 from Ovarian Cancer. Her death left a hole in my heart because she was my very best friend and there were times, during her illness that I didn't know if I would be able to live without her. What would I do without my mom?
But, after her passing, I DID live, I lived and I learned. Even in death, she was still teaching me. Teaching me more about myself, my place in the world and what it all means.
I remember, like it was yesterday, when I first became a mom. My mom was 50 at the time and I thought she was the perfect grandma and 50 seemed like the perfect age to become a grandparent. Well, that was until I was 50 and going to be a grandma. LOL I was WAY too young to have a grand baby.
My mom was fighting cancer at the time that I found out that my daughter, my first child, her first grandchild, was pregnant. As, my mom's health worsened, I prayed and prayed that she could live long enough to meet the first of her great-grandchildren. Sadly, she died before she could hold our beautiful, Norah. Mom died in July and Norah was born in September.
What I quickly realized is that, in God's great plan, my granddaughter was born at just the right time. As I morned the death of my mom, I also happily anticipateed the birth of a new member into our family. Norah's birth instantly put me in, what had been, my mom's role within our family. I was now the matriarch.
There are many times that I find myself crying, many times out sadness, but sometimes because I am overwhelmed with joy. The joy that only grandmas know. The circle of life rotated the day my mom passed away and my granddaughter was born. I took my moms place, as my daughter took mine, and her daughter took hers. It's the same thing that happened the day MY grandma had passed. And, it will happen again one day when I pass away. The circle will continue to rotate and rotate, just as it should.
I still feel her all around me. It's not what you might think. I don't dream of her, see her or hear her. But, she is with me in all of the things that remind me of her, the things she encouraged me to do, supported me in, and shared with me.
She is with me everytime I dance, when I smell her perfume or candles burning, perform on stage, direct or on the radio. I see her in the color yellow, bluebirds, flowers, caring nurses, my granddaughter's eyes, my son's red hair, and my future daughter-in-laws smile. I hear her at Christmas, at church, at the pool, on a walk, and on vacation.
I feel her in every hug that I get and every hug that I give.
This morning I woke up, looked out of my window and there was a beautiful bluebird. It was her, wishing me a happy Mother's Day and letting me wish her one too. XO
The passing of your mother is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to go though. Mother's Day will never be the same, but it can still be wonderful and blessed. Think of her, remember her, with positive in your heart and mind. Then you will feel the blessings of her teachings and love surround you in a warm hug.
Every difficult thing, in life, that you endure, try to take the positives with you. Sometimes the bad things that happen, just open a door to another chapter in your life that will provide you with a different, but no less fulfilling, kind of happiness.