Whether or not you're a fan of football, this weekend will be the one, where you WILL watch it. You will at least be at a gathering where people are watching it. Super Bowl parties are an American institution, and because of the wide variety of people there, you are bound to hear these things during the BIG GAME.
10. "I told you...you see that...I should coach this team." -Smarty-pants sports fan who just called an obvious play, but should never be the coach of anything, especially involving kids.
9. "Is this played in halves or quarters?" - My wife.
8. "This team is in the Super Bowl, but (insert this person's favorite team here) beat them, so we should be the world champions." -Bitter, illogical fan who doesn't understand the NFL playoff system.
7. "Let me know when the commercials come back on." - The woman at the party who has "major drama" to deal with during the game, even though we know the drama started because she started calling and texting the person during the game!
6. "What was that commercial for?" - Party-goer realizing a company had just spent millions to entertain viewers instead of sell their product.
5. "Eli Manning...(blah, blah, blah)...Indianapolis....(blah, blah, blah)...Peyton's future." - TV Commentator looking for a poor segue to talk about "Lord" Peyton's neck.
4. "What's happened so far?" -The guest that showed up way too late, right at the good part of the game, and NOW wants to be caught up.
3. "Look at those cheerleaders. They're all skanks!" -Every girl in the room
2. "Now that guy is a football player." -Nonsensical TV commentator telling us an amazing truth.
1. "I'm really proud of our guys. We had a great season. It just didn't go our way tonight." -The losing coach in that very uncomfortable post-game interview in the way-too-quiet hallway.