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15 Obvious Discoveries from the Least Surprising Scientific Studies

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Science has done a lot of great things in our time. It’s brought mankind to the surface of the moon and back. It has given us a bountiful supply of food. It has created super-stretch waistbands on pants for people who are as big as the moon because they consume too much food.

Science, however, isn’t perfect. The very process by its nature implores calls for closer examination of ideas that seem obvious on the surface. For instance, a recent study by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission found that the most fireworks accidents occur annually on the Fourth of July. Here are some other reports conducted by the National Instituted for the Freaking Obvious.

1. Cosplayers More Likely to Be Single

2. Alcohol Consumption Causing Population Explosion of ‘Fugly’ People

3. Santa, Zombies, Optimistic Charlotte Bobcats Fan Don’t Exist

4. The Most Effective Sleep-Aid: Mitt Romney

5. Higher Unemployment Creates Greater Scrutiny of ‘Days of Our Lives’ Plots

6. People Believe Elvis Lives Because More People are Eating Fried Peanut Butter Sandwiches as a Side Dish

7. ‘America’s Got Talent’ Contestants Not Actually All That Talented

8. Joe Biden’s Brain Not Wired To His Mouth, Butt or Hole in the Ground

9. American Males OK With Letting Lesbians Marry If Lesbians Let Them Videotape the Wedding Night

10. Rise in Global Warming Caused By Massive Chili with Beans Consumption

11. This Study Was a Tremendous Waste of Time, Resources and Taxpayer Dollars

12. Great Britain Suffering From a Dentist Shortage

13. The Least Common Cause of Bar Fights Is Who Played the Better Darren on ‘Bewitched’

14. War is Good For Absolutely Nothing and Worth Repeating

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